Let me begin by giving you some background about me. Traditionally, I’d start by saying something like “Hi, my name is Ameera, I’m a second year business student and my favourite colors are red and blue.” While that statement would be correct, it really has nothing to do with me as a person. I always find it interesting how sometimes the truth can be more deceiving than a lie.
If you ask anyone what type of person I am, common words used to describe me are “Funny”, “Witty”, “Intelligent”, “Loyal”, “Silly”, “Cute” and probably other similar words I would never describe myself as. Are these words an accurate depiction of me? Probably. On the outside, at least. Notice how none of those words showed any deeper emotion? I like it that way.
If you really wanted to know me, you would know that I have a tendency to overanalyze everything, my thoughts are my biggest enemy, I am stubborn as hell, and I grapple with mental illness everyday. Shocking, eh? A typical, young adult, who grew up comfortably with loving parents and a wonderful sister, struggling with demons in her mind telling her she doesn’t deserve to exist.
The thing is, my stubbornness is a blessing and a curse. In one way, I was too stuck on getting help being a sign of weakness, that I tried to get through my depression alone, without therapeutic or pharmacologic support. Have you ever tried to cure a cold without tea and Tylenol? It sucks ass and what I was doing was no different. On top of that, I had the nerve to blame myself when I couldn’t cure my “cold” without “tea and Tylenol”. On the other hand, I never once let my depression keep me from continuing on with my life – like I said earlier, I am a business student. In the midst of dealing with a crippling illness that made waking up close to impossible, I managed a full course load at one of the toughest programs at my school and somehow found time to cook, clean and attempt to maintain a social life – it doesn’t sound like much, but those small feats were substantial for me.
This blog isn’t going to be one of those where I go on about how I was depressed and am okay now and have a great support system who never let me down, because there is much more to my story. And the truth is, I’m still depressed, I’m just better at understanding my mental state now and have more tools to deal with what I am going through.
Keep reading if you want to hear more of my “real” story – not sugarcoated, not horribly depressing either, or so I’m hoping.
Keep Surviving By Living.