Yes, I did just quote Drake, and no, I am not sorry. Although the cliché may be entirely overused, I feel like it is actually quite fitting for the place I am at in my life.
Sometimes, I love that I have depression, and that my struggle with it was absolutely horrible. You may think this statement is absolutely absurd, but allow me to elaborate.
The beauty about hitting rock bottom, like I did, where I can confidently say I was at the lowest point in my life, is that there is absolutely no where to go but up. I couldn’t possibly get any lower than I already was, and no matter what I did, was only going to be a step up. As depressing a thought that may be, it’s strangely liberating and allows you to take a few risks, because you have absolutely nothing to lose. I learned that if I wanted more reasons to exist in this world, I had to create them. I made a conscious effort to become more involved on campus, so that I would have more responsibilities or activities in my life, but ones I actually enjoyed – not the boring responsibilities that come with classes. In the past month alone, I’ve received two positions that are entirely different. The first; Co-President of the UBC Mental Health Awareness Club, and the second; Chairperson of the Sauder Squad. Obviously mental health is extremely important to me, which is why I am so honoured to have such an important position. I’ve wanted to be a part of the Sauder Squad since my very first day at Sauder, when I saw the Sauder Squad going around Sauder with our mascot, amping students up. To see myself go from that little first year, to a person who was so deep in the throws of depression, to today, where I have two phenomenal opportunities I could not be more ecstatic about, I know that there is hope for conquering depression. Here I go again, feeding into the stereotypical sayings, like “it gets better”, but it really is true. Quite frankly, I know that without my depression I would not have felt the need to step this far out of my comfort zone to apply for Sauder executive positions, or have had that deep desire to pursue mental health initiatives. I am deeply grateful for my struggle, and these are the things that make the bad days much more manageable than ever before.
I’m not out of the woods, because with a lifelong illness, that isn’t always an attainable concept, but I definitely find myself at a clearing, and that makes me feel a lot better. In the moments where I start to feel bad about myself, because I’ve done something wrong, or been criticized, or anything else that can set me off, I remember that I have these things that I have worked to accomplish, and that one small wrongdoing doesn’t seem so big anymore. Doing things for myself, and getting involved in the community, contributing to something that gave me strength and happiness in the past, helps me put a lot into perspective, and brush off the little things, because I can’t sweat the small stuff (especially if I’m in a business suit).
Keep Surviving by Living.