expression

The Words I Could Never Say

“A working brain is probably a lot like a map, where anybody can get from one place to another on the freeways. It’s the nonworking brains that get blocked, that have dead ends, that are under construction like mine.”
“I didn’t want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that’s really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.”
“Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That’s above and beyond everything else, and it’s not a mental complaint-it’s a physical thing, like it’s physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don’t come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people’s words do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser; you stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you just keep quiet.”

– Ned Vizzini, “It’s Kind of a Funny Story”

This is a collection of some of the best quotes from my favourite novel – It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini, about a teenager who spends a week in a mental hospital. When my parents first found out about my depression, they so desperately wanted to understand, but my mental state was such that I was literally unable to speak about it. I couldn’t express in words what I felt or thought. I searched my room for this book, which I had read three years earlier, at a time when I would have scoffed at the idea that it would be parallel to my life someday. When I finally found it, I placed it on my parents bed, with a note asking them to read it because it would say all the things I couldn’t.
Keep Surviving By Living.